Friday, January 28, 2011

Show Us Your Life - Adoption Stories

Today over at Kelly's Korner, she is doing Adoption Stories. You can link up and share your adoption story and/or read all the other stories that people have posted! I am so pumped about this today.

I wish so desperately that I had the time to read everybody's stories, but I definitely will read as many as I can.

I was tweeting with Kelly a bit last night just telling her how this is such perfect timing for us.

We are just about licensed for foster care. We should be licensed in the next few weeks!! As exciting as this is we, are feeling very much like we are at a cross roads praying fervently for direction. I don't know if it's my own fear of the unknown or if it's the Enemy trying to thwart an amazing plan the Lord has for us, but over the past 2 months I have been inundated with doubt. Questions like:

Are we sure foster care is for us?
What if we get a kid that we aren't equipped to handle?
What if we get a kid that we are madly in love with and then CPS comes and takes them away to pass on to somebody else?
How am I going to continue to work and do this?
Why does the process have to be so difficult?
Why is the wait so long?
Should we go a different route?
How is Ella going to be able to handle all of this?

The list goes on and on. I find myself constantly fixated on this doubt which then turns into gripping fear.

Why can't I surrender and trust?

But this is exactly what the Lord is teaching me right now. He has brought me to this place to teach me this very thing.

Never in my life have I had something so completely out of my control that makes me HAVE to trust and rely on the Lord. Isn't that kind of sad? That for 31 years, I've pretty much lived my life in control of what I do. This wasn't a conscious thing most of the time, I really just didn't realize I was doing it. Everything has just kind of clicked and worked together in my life. Looking back at things, I know a lot of that working out stuff was because of the Lord's hand, sometimes without me even realizing it which breaks my heart.

Suddenly now I am faced with a situation that is completely out of control. I can not will myself to get pregnant. As much as I have obsessed over it and prayed for it, I can not force my body to conceive. It's out of my control.

As much as I have this perfect scenario played out in my head of the foster kid(s) we will get and be able to adopt, I can't force that to happen either. It's out of my control.

What is in my control however is if and how I am going to trust that the Lord is in control. And that is exactly what I am choosing. Trust! I will trust in the name of the Lord because He is my refuge and my fortress.

Isaiah 26:3 is my verse for this year that I am clinging to. "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on YOU, because he trusts in You." My God promises to keep Heath, Ella and I in PERFECT peace if we trust in Him.

2011 is going to be an interesting year. I am thankful for 2010 and the way it's hardships revealed changes I need to make in my life. And I am thankful already for 2011 and the sanctification it will bring. At the end of this year, I pray that I trusted the Lord fully for whatever He brought our way. Whether we have a new baby or not, whether that is through domestic adoption or foster care. Whatever His plan is for us, I want to trust Him because He promised that He works it all out for the good of those who love Him.

So thank you Kelly for today's adoption stories. I'm excited to read and be inspired and encouraged all over again! I look forward to the adventure He has for us this year!

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8 comments:

connorcolesmom said...

Praise God for He is faithful to provide ALL we need!!
Praying for you sweet Janelle and I look forward to what 2011 will have in store for your family!

really.truly said...

I hope you are encouraged. I remember those days of waiting.

Wishing you God's blessings!

Erica said...

Just read your post from Kelly's Korner. My husband and I are foster parents in NC and just got to file our adoption papers yesterday for our 2 foster children. They are brothers 10 months apart. The oldest is 22 months and the youngest is 12 months. We got the oldest when he was 3 months old and his birthmom was already pregnant with our baby. The case was still going when the baby was born 6 months later, so we brought him home from the hospital. It all finally ended just this week and we are getting to officially adopt them. It has been 19 months since we started with the oldest. It is hard and a rollercoaster, but so worth it. My advice/encouragement would be fostering and being open to adopt because if our boys had been placed in a foster-only home and not placed with us until they were legally free for adoption, we would have missed all of this precious time with them. We also have the benefit of having gotten to know their birth family, and their birth mom was more at peace about it being over knowing they were with us. I'm rambling, but just wanted to encourage you from someone who has just stepped over the threshold from "foster parent" to "adoptive parent."

Anthony & Jessie said...

We just got our first foster baby 2 months ago. We will find out a lot more about her future with us in the next couple weeks. When I start to worry I just start to pray. I''m praying a lot lately:) My hubby and I were talking the other night and no matter what we wouldn't go back and say no. We are loving this time. This is how we plan to start our family (God's plan I believe) and of course I will be upset if she has to leave. For now we are loving and living each day to the fullest with her. God doesn't give me more than I can handle. Right now at least I can say that we are helping this sweet little girl and she is lighting up our days. I pray that God gives you hope and Peace in this process. If you ever need to chat I'm at graciejess.blogspot.com

Kim said...

Wonderful news, foster care system needs parents like you. I just adopted my daughter. I had her since birth and took almost 3 years. It is a rollercoaster but so worth it! You won't believe how God works and you will see it first hand with fostering.

Immeasurably More Mama said...

You've been in my thoughts and on my heart. Just sent you an email. :)

Lindsee said...

I am so excited to see what 2011 brings your way. I have loved reading your story, and will continue, without a doubt, love it. You are an inspiration, Janelle! I know this blog will encourage so many.

Oh, and for the record, last year in our SSMT, Isaiah 26:3 was my first memory verses. Still one of my very favorites!

Michelle said...

I have commented on your blog before..My blog www.gingerbreadfam.blogspot.com..please read my update. we have a 2 year old biological child and just got our first foster child almost 3 months ago. He is 4 years old, with many developmental delays, cerebral palsy, and seizures...It has been the toughest, most incredible thing I have ever done. I prayed from the beginning that God would be our placement counselor..ANd from the very beginning he was..He put the perfect child for us in our home..Wow. There have been challengles...that have put me flat on my face before the Lord...but I cannot ever imagine my life without my wonderful matthew. and as long as the Lord allows, I will take care of him and love on him. I was so afraid to..But God will give you the grace and strength to do it...Don't give into fear..Do it! The sacrifice is WORTH it! I have leaned on the verse Faithful is He who called you..Trust him and He WILL Do it. Please call me if you need anything..(423)322-1982. My name is Michelle