First, let me say thank you for your amazing support. Your stories have been very touching and encouraging. I'm so glad to have this community of women now that can understand what this particular struggle feels like.
Some really exciting things have happened in the past month regarding a different direction the Lord could be taking us on that wasn't originally what I thought our life would look like.
But first, I want to share briefly what my prayer for the past several months has been. My prayer has not necessarily been Lord, help me to get pregnant. My personality type lends way to becoming obsessive over something very easily. So my prayer has been that I will not become obsessed over getting pregnant to the point where it consumes my every thought and actions. But my prayer has been that I will be obsessed with what God's will is for my life. Because the thing is, knowing me, I'm going obsess about something and I would rather that be with whatever God has for me and my family then over what I think my life should be like. So as you think about us and pray for us, I would like you to join me in praying this same thing.
Ultimately we all want to be in God's will. I'll never forget last summer, I was leading Kay Arthur's precept class on Genesis at our church with a group of women. The entire study was on Abraham. So I studied MUCH about Abraham and Sarah and how she was barren and God promised them a son and they just couldn't believe it.
Almost 10 years went by after God promised this promise to them. 10 years! That's a really long time to wait for something. Well, as you know, they took matters into their own hands to try to fulfill God's promise in their lives on their own.
So they came up with the plan to have Abraham sleep with Hagar (Sarah's maidservant) and she bore Abraham a son and they named him Ishmael. Abraham and Sarah thought they had fulfilled God's promise and that the covenant for God's people and the promised Seed (Jesus) would be fulfilled through Ishmael.
Well, as we know that was NOT God's plan for them. He did in fact allow Sarah to get pregnant and she bore Isaac and the promise was fulfilled through Isaac.
The Bible describes Ishmael as "a wild donkey of a man. His hand was against everyone and everyone's hand was against him". Because of Abraham and Sarah's unbelief they created Ishmael. And Ishmael turned into a disaster and bred disaster.
The question Kay asked that will always stick with me is she said, "What Ishmaels in your life have you bred because of your unbelief or impatience in God?" What have I created in my life that has bred destruction or chaos because I wanted something to happen that wasn't the Lord's will and forced it to happen? And some of those Ishmaels have life long lasting effects, even throughout generations like in Abraham and Sarah's case.
That's why my prayer is that I won't get so obsessed with getting pregnant that I will force MY plan to happen instead of God's and it could create an Ishmael in my life and my family's life.
I so badly want to be this person whose faith does not weaken but is strengthen. "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!!" Mark 9:24
Thanks again for your prayers and support. I am so excited to be on this journey with you.