Thursday, March 26, 2009

I'll Be Honest

There was more of a reason why I have been so absent from the blogging world since Honduras other than I was just really busy.

The truth is, the Sunday after I got back from my trip, I was in the kitchen doing the dishes and felt a funny pain in my left breast. (Sorry, I seriously doubt I have any male readers though.) So I felt to see what the pain was and there was a definite lump.

I completely panicked. My world totally turned upside down. Heath wasn't too overly concerned but did tell me to make sure and call the doctor first thing in the morning.

My doctor couldn't get me in until Wednesday, so I spent 48 hours living in my mind the worse case scenario. It pretty much paralyzed me.

My doctor felt it and said he thought it was probably just a cyst, but that he wanted me to go get a sonogram just to make sure. This helped me feel a little better, but I was still constantly feeling that anxious feeling that put your stomach in knots.

I couldn't get in to get my sono until the following Monday, which was just this past Monday. So it was another 5 days of anxiousness and waiting.

The sono Monday morning went well from what we could tell even though they are "not allowed to tell you anything".

And then it was another 2 days of waiting to hear back from my doctor with the results. He finally called yesterday morning with the results that everything is normal and it is just a cyst. And I need to come back in 3 mths so he can check it again.

I was wishing the entire time I was panicked that I was one of those people that can be calm and fully trust in the Lord and "only worry when there is something to worry about". But I wasn't. I was a basket case, unable to focus on anything longer than 30 seconds. Which made me really reevaluate my trust that I thought I had in the Lord. Do I really have that? If so, than why was my world so totally rocked? If I really do fully believe that God is in control and He has a plan for my life and that plan is "that He who began a good work in me will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus" than why was I unable to function for 9 days?

This week has certainly been a stretching, learning and faith increasing week. Mark 9:24 says, Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief."

That is my cry, God...I DO believe, HELP me overcome my unbelief!

I have SO much to update my blog with and will start on that right away. But I just had to tell my blogging family what has been going on with us. I know y'all are so sweet to care about me and my family.

Love,

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19 comments:

Ang said...

Oh Janelle, my prayer is that He would give you the peace that passes all understanding. I'm thankful with you that it was no more than a cyst, but cannot imagine what your last week was like. Love and miss you a bunch!

Lindsee said...

I am so sorry you had to go through this. It is certainly scary indeed. But, I am glad that everything turned out okay! The Lord has really been testing me in the trust area as of late, and I fail so badly daily. I fall so short. And really? It's so hard to shake it. Why can't I just trust Him? I totally feel you, sister. Much love your way. And a big hug!

kittyhox said...

Scary, and I'm so relieved for you! May God continue the good works he is doing in and through you!

Jill Marie said...

I am so sorry you had to go through this. Fear of the unknown is what get's us all I think. You are not alone in your fears and God knows your heart. Continue to trust that He will allow you to grow from this experience. Sometimes doubt and fear causes us to dig deeper in his word for answers. Just look at all the scripture you used in this post.! That alone spoke to ME! You are an amazing woman of God...Don't ever doubt that!!!

Melissa said...

Peace be yours, Janelle. I'm so grateful this is nothing more than a cyst. With best wishes from a fellow lumpy lady. ;)

Amanda said...

I'm so thankful you're okay. Also, I imagine God is extra patient with all of us right now after what happened to our friend. Plus, "He knows we are dust."

Sunni at The Flying Mum said...

So happy you're done with dealing with it, and Praise God it was not anything to worry about!

connorcolesmom said...

Janelle
Oh honey I have so been there
I found my lunp when I was 21
The DR freaked out - I had all kinds of tests, needles etc
Long story short I have a fibroadenoma - a hard cyst
It is painful sometimes but otherwise harmless
It is scary to walk through something like that and it sure makes us thankful - doesn't it
Love you
Kim

Ang baylis said...

Thank you for your honesty about this very scary situation. I know He knows what He is doing in our lives. I, for one appreciate that you are human and struggle like the rest of us and don't pretend you have peace when you don't. I'm so glad everything turned out okay! He keeps giving us more chances to believe and trust Him. I'll be back to hear all about Honduras!
Love,
Angie xoxo

Linsey said...

I am really proud of you for sharing that!

Becca said...

Bless your heart! I'm so glad you are okay. Love you!

Heather said...

So sorry you had to go through that. I can understand the quiet in the midst of that. We each have our own trials and thankfully we have a God who understands our coping with them. I can't imagine the waiting game you had to endure. I'm so thankful that everything is normal!

The Sanders House said...

I am so glad that everything is okay!! Praise God! I can only imagine that kind of wait!

Lolly said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through that stressful week, but glad that everything worked out okay. Take a deep breath. I know you probably have been holding it in.

Darlene R. said...

I'm so thankful that you are fine! Wow, that can be scary. I was there not long ago, waiting is the worst.
The Lord is good. :)

Helen said...

((hugs)) I think it's a normal human reaction. God gives you the strength to get through things, but sometimes you are human & you worry.

Mindy said...

I'm so so sorry about this hard time. I totally get the worry. I've been there......
Praying for you! And glad to hear you are alright!

Kelli said...

What a blessing that it is just a cyst. I know how scary it is to find a lump, and I just sat here and teared up because I can't even imagine how much scarier it would be as a mother now. The Lord knows that you trust Him. It is just hard as a mother to not let our motherly worries overtake our trust in Him. Praying for all of us as mothers to trust in the plans that He has for us.

MamaCass said...

I had no idea what you were going through. I am so so glad everything is okay!!! I would have been so scared too! I will be praying for you sweet friend.