Today over at Kelly's Korner, she is doing Adoption Stories. You can link up and share your adoption story and/or read all the other stories that people have posted! I am so pumped about this today.
I wish so desperately that I had the time to read everybody's stories, but I definitely will read as many as I can.
I was tweeting with Kelly a bit last night just telling her how this is such perfect timing for us.
We are just about licensed for foster care. We should be licensed in the next few weeks!! As exciting as this is we, are feeling very much like we are at a cross roads praying fervently for direction. I don't know if it's my own fear of the unknown or if it's the Enemy trying to thwart an amazing plan the Lord has for us, but over the past 2 months I have been inundated with doubt. Questions like:
Are we sure foster care is for us?
What if we get a kid that we aren't equipped to handle?
What if we get a kid that we are madly in love with and then CPS comes and takes them away to pass on to somebody else?
How am I going to continue to work and do this?
Why does the process have to be so difficult?
Why is the wait so long?
Should we go a different route?
How is Ella going to be able to handle all of this?
The list goes on and on. I find myself constantly fixated on this doubt which then turns into gripping fear.
Why can't I surrender and trust?
But this is exactly what the Lord is teaching me right now. He has brought me to this place to teach me this very thing.
Never in my life have I had something so completely out of my control that makes me HAVE to trust and rely on the Lord. Isn't that kind of sad? That for 31 years, I've pretty much lived my life in control of what I do. This wasn't a conscious thing most of the time, I really just didn't realize I was doing it. Everything has just kind of clicked and worked together in my life. Looking back at things, I know a lot of that working out stuff was because of the Lord's hand, sometimes without me even realizing it which breaks my heart.
Suddenly now I am faced with a situation that is completely out of control. I can not will myself to get pregnant. As much as I have obsessed over it and prayed for it, I can not force my body to conceive. It's out of my control.
As much as I have this perfect scenario played out in my head of the foster kid(s) we will get and be able to adopt, I can't force that to happen either. It's out of my control.
What is in my control however is if and how I am going to trust that the Lord is in control. And that is exactly what I am choosing. Trust! I will trust in the name of the Lord because He is my refuge and my fortress.
Isaiah 26:3 is my verse for this year that I am clinging to. "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on YOU, because he trusts in You." My God promises to keep Heath, Ella and I in PERFECT peace if we trust in Him.
2011 is going to be an interesting year. I am thankful for 2010 and the way it's hardships revealed changes I need to make in my life. And I am thankful already for 2011 and the sanctification it will bring. At the end of this year, I pray that I trusted the Lord fully for whatever He brought our way. Whether we have a new baby or not, whether that is through domestic adoption or foster care. Whatever His plan is for us, I want to trust Him because He promised that He works it all out for the good of those who love Him.
So thank you Kelly for today's adoption stories. I'm excited to read and be inspired and encouraged all over again! I look forward to the adventure He has for us this year!